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Archive for April, 2005

Well, stuff still sucks, but not as bad (Yep. Another Narcipost.)

Saturday, April 30th, 2005

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Well, it turns out that while I didn’t get the warehouse job I wanted (but the money would have been sweet), I have a VERY good chance of advanceing to manager at Dunkin Donuts. Well, manager-in-training. Sure, it’s not very prestegious, but it’s better then nothing at all. And maybe it will convince my sweets that I’m stable enough to live with if I’m making over $2000 a month.

Of course, the fact remains that she still isn’t sure she want’s to spend her life with me. *sigh*. There’s just no winning. It takes all the running I can do just to stay in the same place.

I just don’t get it. I have been trying as hard as I can. I’m only human. I’m only a man.

Narcipost ahead…

Friday, April 29th, 2005

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Well, let’s see. My Darling has decided not to live with me ’till a few months after Baby is born at best. And then, as if the world was saying “Screw You, buddy!”, I didn’t get the job at the warehouse I was trying for (it paid up to $20 an hour, if you were a hard worker). But I guess it’s a good thing she decided not to live with me. After all, if I can’t take care of her, why should she live with me? I just feel so damn powerless. I’m afraid, and I don’t know what to do! I NEED to be able to take care of our child and it’s mother, and it’s looking like I won’t be able to. At least, not for a while.

It’s just so weird. I’ve always felt that I can do anything. “Just gotta work hard, you can make it happen.” And now, I’ve come up against a wall. And it HURTS. I’ve got people depending on me, and I…

I don’t know. Wish me luck, everyone.

Another sample of my writing…

Monday, April 25th, 2005

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Well, just because this for some reason got a 97% from my english teacher (I’m not complaining, but I don’t get it, I’m not THAT good of a writer), I had to post it. It’s my second essay for that class.

No Time for Family TimeMy dear reader will find no surprise when informed that we live in a dog-eat-dog world. As such, it makes sense that we pursue stability of what ever kind we can to the fullest extent we are able. Sadly, it seems to the author that financial stability is often regarded as more of a priority then family stability. Every day we hear about the hero “CEO Dads” who put in the 60 hour weeks to get product X out to market Y by time Z. Or the fabled “Career Moms” who supposedly manage to juggle the job of their dreams, the PTA meetings, CEO Dad, and of course, the kids. Now, any mathematician will tell you that as there are only 24 hours in a day, you can’t get 25 hours of work out of them. Something’s got to give. And all too often, it’s the kids.

Now, the author is not trying to berate the poor families who NEED 2 parents working overtime just to pay rent, food, and heat. It’s a shame that our society hasn’t adopted a decent living wage, but that’s fodder for another rant. Instead, the target is parents who either work for the sake of work, or can’t seem to do without cable TV, 6 cell phones, and “A GREAT long distance plan!” on their landline.

In the case of the former, let there first be a congratulations said. It’s a wonderful thing to find a job that both stimulates and reinvigorates. That said; a person shouldn’t start a family if said person is still in the building stages of their career. Or, if there are no plans to leave the building stages of the career question, one might consider never starting a family. Children are a full time job. No, scratch that. They’re a full time job with mandatory over-time. A person wouldn’t be expected to take on two 50 hour per week jobs. Why should this be any different?

As for the second category, there is also much to be said. First and foremost is: Don’t spend what’s not there. If Wally Wageslave makes $200 dollars a week, pays $500 each month in rent and utilities, and $300 a month on food, where is there room for cable? Or even dining out? Wouldn’t it make more sense if Wally dropped the extra $200 dollars a month he has in miscellaneous expenses, dropped the part time job he had to take care of it, and spent more time with his family, the very people that poor Wally likely started breaking his back for in the first place?

This soon-to-be family man has no delusions about how money changes hands. If a person wants something nice, they have to work for it. But if said person is going to settle down, and start a family with a husband & wife setup (2.6 kids are optional) they need to get their priorities straight. Many people don’t see that there’s a difference between building your life around your work, and building your work around your life. Or worse, many people deify the former, while demonizing the later.

All this doesn’t mean that a person can’t have a wonderful, meaningful job that they enjoy and look forward going to. In fact, if one CAN achieve this, it’s quite likely that it would only be good for the family in general. All that is being said is to remember why you’re even working in the first place: your family.

Sample of my writing…

Sunday, April 24th, 2005

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First, sorry to have not posted for a week. I’ve been busy with school and work. I’ll try not to let it happen again. :)

But for any current readers, I’m gonna post a sample of my writing in the form of an essay I wrote a while ago. It garnered a 100%, so I assume it’s not TOO bad. :D

At any rate, here it is:

The Dawn of a Person
Building a rollercoaster must be a massive undertaking. Making that first plan, hoping that you got your calculations right (else there will be little roller-ing and less coaster-ing), finding a suitable spot to break ground (or risk a falling coaster) and deciding upon a theme, all before ever picking up a power tool. Building a person, on the other hand, is quite a different matter. Sure, it’s just as hard, if not harder. However, it’s a lot easier to get started. The first few feet down the drop can come during a half hour lunch break, or a whole night of passion. Either way, you end up on one heck of a rollercoaster, with all the ups and downs inherent in the nature of the beast. And just like our thrill ride, you can’t stop this one in the middle. There’s just too much momentum.
With that said, there’s not a lot of reason for us to stop this ride. We were planning on it someday, and mom always says to stop procrastinating (though she claims she wasn’t referring to THIS!). So, we’ve buckled in, and we’re ready to see where it takes us. Currently, we’re not even up the first hill. We just had our first ultrasound, and we can still hear the chains pulling us skyward.
Waiting in the office was worse then waiting in line at an amusement park. At least at your local Six Flags you can see the multitudes before you, and have a way to gauge the wait, even if it’s just by number of people getting sunstroke waiting for their turn (2 per hour last time I was there). At the doctor’s office, you walk in, and wait in an empty room for who knows how long. Clearly, not the secretaries, else we would have been scheduled for later.
And it’s not like it’s an easy wait, either. At the theme park, you’re likely with friends, enjoying the experience, without a care in the world (except for the $8 you just spent on a single hotdog & a Pepsi). My mate and I, on the other hand, were stretched thin with worry. We had more thoughts milling around in our head then customers waiting in queue for Superman: Ride of Steel: Concern for the baby’s health, worry for Deanna’s safety, not to mention when we can learn the gender of our little bundle of love. And on top of many more thoughts cavorting around in our heads was an overriding anticipation of seeing OUR baby for the very first time.
But, just like at Six Flags, after the waiting is over and you get called into that special group known as the “Next Up’s” and you’re loaded, locked, and given verbal waivers, it’s all fun from there. In our case, we were called in with a subdued “Deanna? Marvin? You can come in now” by the nurse. After we filed into the room, the nurse had Deanna strip down for the ultra sound, and hop up onto the examination table (which is a bad thing: she hates the stirrups). And then the doctor came in and went to work, and let me tell you: it was pure, unrestricted nirvana from there on out.
Never before have I experienced the simple brilliance of watching something that I helped create move of its own volition. A child encased in a veritable sea of amniotic fluid, moving to the subtle rhythms of life at that most primordial stage. Nothing is more perfect, more astounding then that most precious thing.
This is a feeling that, try as I may, I can not seem to convey to my non-expecting friends. Nor is it easy to tell someone with no experience with a ‘coaster just how much thrill is to be had by seemingly putting your life in peril. Imagine, if you will, that for the space of ten whole minutes your entire universe, sun, moon, stars, heaven and earth, revolves around a tiny wisp on a black and white screen. And, at that same time, around a minute body, not the size of a thimble, in the very core of your expecting life-mate. The second hand by which your world keeps time is dictated by the rapid pumping of its dust sized heart. These seconds expand to minutes, and minutes to seem like hours as you sit by, awed by the deceptively simple act of it twitching its future arms. You get both the first big downhill thrill of the ride to come, and at the same time, it’s as if it’s just a prelude: the ‘coaster roaring by overhead as you wait in line for the main event.
There is no more exciting journey I can think of then the one we’re beginning now: The quest to create life, and foster it as it matures. For the next 18 years we’ll be walking a tight rope fraught with overprotection on one side, and negligence on the other. And then to watch, and giggle, and prepare to spoil rotten the life that it itself begets. Perhaps we’ll take our grandchild to Six Flags 2029. Or, perhaps we won’t. Either way, we have to get over the first drop before we can enjoy the loop-de-loops and the corkscrews. Let alone the second ride.

Sporeadic information on Spore…

Sunday, April 17th, 2005

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A few of you may have heard of a new game on the horizon put out by a guy named Will Wright (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_Wright): Spore ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spore_%28game%29). While that may or may not be the final title for the game, it is the currently recognized one. The game Spore is looking to be a MOST ambitions creation. The premise? To take your single celled organism from the depths of the ocean to the stars, all while making it what YOU want it to be. It even generated a star, in the form of Gaming Steve ( http://www.gamingsteve.com)!

Now, as if that wasn’t neato enough, good old Will is also planning on redefineing the development process with this game. Currently, the game makers make everything in a game. Or at least most of it. Will want’s this to be a game where the Dev’s only make the framework for the game. The rest of it (the characters, citys, ect.) are put together by players using procedural content generation. There are a bunch of guys out there working on making HUGE games outta VERY small codebases ( http://theprodukkt.com/kkrieger.html). Now, they can’t work magic, so what do they do? High compression, algorythmic creation, and of course, LOTS of effeciency through ASM code.

I for one, can’t wait to see what comes of this. I’ve always been a fan of Will’s games (w00t Simcity!!!), and this one doesn’t look likely to disappoint.