A lot of things have happened sense last we spoke. As you all know, my folks house burned down. Well, a day afterward, Deanna told me we were taking a break from each other. One week later, she broke up with me (after meeting another guy, and lots of other things that I won’t get into here). And sense then, I’ve just been so deep in depression that I couldn’t really speak to anyone here, this place of reverence for her. It… was hard to go on, sometimes the only things keeping me going were our son, Matt, and the hope (vain prayer, by now) that she’ll one day grow up and come back.

But, life goes on, things still keep going, and I need to move on (either temporarily, or permanently). It’s just hard… she left me so suddenly. I really had thought that I didn’t have to worry about losing her… but then one day… she was gone. But not smoothly. She kept sending mixed signals. Calling me when her current boyfriend hurt her (almost every week), still kissing sometimes, still with the love. That’s all stopped, she said I make her feel too sorry for me (as if I’m the one who did something wrong). I… well, if she ever gets her own head straightened out, I’d take her back in an instant, even after all she’s done to me (just trust me, a lot over the last 6 months).

The worst part of all this, is our little boy. I see him more then most other separated fathers get to see their kids, but I didn’t do anything wrong! 3 hours a day, 2 days a week. Then overnight for one or two days (alternating weeks). He’s so happy when we’re together, too. I feel so bad for little Matt. I just wish she’d at least TRY to work this out. But she want’s to be “A Kid” and do stuff teens do, up ’till the last few months I was the only guy she’d ever been with. But I just wish she’d give us a chance. We had such a bright future. We were getting married! WE’D JUST BOUGHT A FREAKIN’ HOUSE!!!

I just wish she’d give us another chance. I still love her, and I’m afraid that even if she never comes back, I always will…

Monday, January 8th, 2007 @ 6:22 pm Narcipost, Matt, Maintenance, Girlfriend, News
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Here are some other posts to whet your whistle:

I hate life.

Opera 8 is out, and WOW, is it good!

She still loves me… just not enough to come back (yet?).